General Hospital - August 5, 2009 - MOM?!!!!!

I've always been a strong proponent of counting blessings and after watching this episode I was reminded of one blessing that I have taken for granted way to long. In 25 years and 10 months of childhood I have never witnessed my parents... gettin' jiggy.

Though I do get a certain amount of satisfaction out of watching awkward moments that I don’t have to live through myself, I do feel for our boy Dominic or Dante or whatever you want to call him after he walks in on his half-naked mom Olivia logging some couch time with Johnny who is old enough... eh em... young enough to be his brother. Awkward! I can't quite remember what happens in the rest of the scene except that Olivia runs to the window/nearest available exit, and appears to stand there wondering if she’ll ever have sex again.

Speaking of… Now that Olivia has made it blatantly clear, for the time being, that she is definitely not having sex with Sonny… we cut to Sonny back at the hospital ready to give Claudia some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Surprise! He must be idolized by the 7 straight men that watch this soap. After he leaves Claudia in the hospital, AGAIN, he runs into Dominic and Lulu at Kelly’s where Lulu is fine-tuning the art of putting Dominic in his place. Ahhhh, I love the smell of budding romance.

Awwwww. Father/son moment! Tear. Sonny and Dominic talk moms and respect, clueless about each other’s relationships with Olivia or each other. Classic.

Back at the hospital Claudia tries to clear up the mess she started with Jerry Jacks after she hired and fired him from tracking down Michael and Kristina. Now Jason is going to end up in a debacle that only a soap opera could orchestrate, which is already leading to the inevitable revival of Jasam. Hold that thought… Johnny catches Claudia on the phone with Jerry and lays into her for being such a troublemaker. Blah blah blah.

Okay, did you hold it? While Sam is in Mexico searching for Michael and Kristina she calls Spinelli for help. The Jackal continues his week long rant about his desire to marry Maximista and obtain the “patriarchal” blessing. Oh Spinelli. Sam tries to give him advice, which most Jasam-ers could easily identify as code for, “this is what I learned about love with Jason”. Spinelli, being the #1 Jasam advocate that he is, reads her like a book and offers some profound advice to help her love with Stonecold “blossom” again. Ready… here it is… FORGIVENESS! Oh man, I was just getting to the point where I forgot all that mess that ended their relationship! Oh who am I kidding! Jasam is back! Break out the dominoes and tequila baby!

Bringing them together… the infant fugitives Kristina and Michael. As they look for places to stay in Mexico Michael continues to reassure Kristina that he will be okay if she wants to go back to Port Charles. She, of course, continues to live with the lie. Dude it was an accident, you’re a minor... it's going to be okay. This is what parents are for. Who? Oh yah, Sonny and Alexis who I don’t think even mentioned them in this episode. Uh, hello?! Where are your kids?!!!!

Back to Alexis, apparently Robin is trying to add “detective” to her resume. She’s convinced that Alexis is innocent because she's left handed.... well, I guess that’s better than the tall person short person theory. Patrick wins the man of the year award for humoring Robin and not having her tested for obsessive compulsive disorder. Of course, I still have a pretty serious crush on him since his karaoke performance.

Off to Nizabeth, or Elizalas? Nichobeth? Heck, maybe that’s why they aren’t together yet. What on earth will we ever call them? I digress. After the girls night implodes and Edward “the BuzzKill” Quartermaine inappropriately interferes in a grown up relationship poor Nicholas and Emily end up at the bar alone. Silver lining? It seems neither one of them are the type to ignore opportunity when it comes a’knockin. Their interaction is priceless. Both wasted after “licking, slamming, and sucking” their way through a bottle of Jose’s finest, they shamelessly flirt back and forth hoping to use their lowered inhibitions as an excuse to “get in trouble”. When Nicholas suggests he may want to be with Liz she laughs and slyly proposes another drink. Subtle, Liz. After endless scenes of them both beating around the bush, waiting for the other one to make the first move Liz talks about her kids and her priorities to try and channel her sober side. Ultimately, she walks away, but it’s just a matter of time people.

Meanwhile, Ethan reveals that thing that makes all bad boys irresistible. His heart. Cheesy, I know. Telling Rebecca that she is the only true thing he has and she is worth more than money. Congratulations, you’re a human! Somehow he is surprised that she is hesitant because of, "Nicholas?" Dude, where have you been? Anyway, he plants one on her and leaves her to sleep on it. End scene.

That’s all the Port Charles for today folks!
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