In recent local news there was a man who was caught climbing into outhouses and watching people relieve themselves. So, when you think about it, Jasam's very hot and very public makeout sesh is not THAT embarrassing. What IS embarrassing is that an 11 year old feels they have to explain to you the meaning of the word "chivalry".
Lessons learned...
1. Everything is relative.
2. Sometimes The Breakdown is brief.
3. Sometimes The Breakdown wishes Jason was always wearing briefs.
4. Just briefs.
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Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
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Defense mechanisms are a funny thing. Some people live in denial (Cough*Kristina*Cough), some people rationalize bad behavior (Um, Rebecca?... What?! I got the short end of the twin stick!), and some people leave their injured children alone in the hospital, seek out inappropriate sexual partners, and accept unwanted proposals in order to avoid the stress of having a hospitalized child, inappropriate feelings, and unwanted proposals (insert Elizabeth's name here).
Of course there are other defense mechanisms that are less psychological in nature and slightly more physical. Take the "slap in the face" for instance. Sometimes words just aren't enough to express your distaste in being called your brother's lover... Nor, to express your distaste in your brother's actual lover. However, when using this defense tactic beware of the counter-defense which quite often manifests itself in the form of a "fist in the face". (fine print: The risk of a counter-attack increases when slapping feisty cougars from Bensonhurst. Slapping can sometimes result in redness of the palm, and next-day wrist fatigue. If redness lasts for more than 4 hours you should consult your physician. No, not to thank him. If you are not satisfied with your slapping experience, spitting at the antogonists feet while walking away is recommended.)
Today's Most Valuable Actor (MVA) goes to...... Sarah Joy Brown playing the role of Claudia Zaccara. Wow, this is so unexpected! I just want to thank the fans and... Kanye West? What are you.... I just want to say that Lisa LoCicero gave the best performance of all time!....... SLAP!!!
Lessons learned...
1. It's okay to punch people who slap you.
2. It's okay to slap people who say you are your brother's lover.
3. It's okay to slap Kanye West.
Don't forget to click on the banner on the bottom right of the page to help raise money for To Write Love On Her Arms. Much love.
Of course there are other defense mechanisms that are less psychological in nature and slightly more physical. Take the "slap in the face" for instance. Sometimes words just aren't enough to express your distaste in being called your brother's lover... Nor, to express your distaste in your brother's actual lover. However, when using this defense tactic beware of the counter-defense which quite often manifests itself in the form of a "fist in the face". (fine print: The risk of a counter-attack increases when slapping feisty cougars from Bensonhurst. Slapping can sometimes result in redness of the palm, and next-day wrist fatigue. If redness lasts for more than 4 hours you should consult your physician. No, not to thank him. If you are not satisfied with your slapping experience, spitting at the antogonists feet while walking away is recommended.)
Today's Most Valuable Actor (MVA) goes to...... Sarah Joy Brown playing the role of Claudia Zaccara. Wow, this is so unexpected! I just want to thank the fans and... Kanye West? What are you.... I just want to say that Lisa LoCicero gave the best performance of all time!....... SLAP!!!
Lessons learned...
1. It's okay to punch people who slap you.
2. It's okay to slap people who say you are your brother's lover.
3. It's okay to slap Kanye West.
Don't forget to click on the banner on the bottom right of the page to help raise money for To Write Love On Her Arms. Much love.
Today we are going to discuss things that are awkward...
It's always awkward when a guy proposes to you right after you finished making out with his brother. Trust me. It happened to my friend's brother's ex-girlfriend's hairdresser so I practically have first hand experience.
When you tell your almost girlfriend that you are concerned that your ex-girlfriend is kissing some dude... that's awkward. When your almost girlfriend is concerned for how this is going to effect her ex-boyfriend... the awkwardness continues.
It's awkward when you are shot by your dad's hitmen and 3 and a half years later you still haven't been treated. Jason? Mexico? Deja vu?
If your boyfriend buys you a cell phone exclusively for use as a couple and then tells you it is so he can stalk you and remove all excuses for you to not answer him right away and then puts you in a death grip... it's okay to feel awkward. Encouraged even.
Sometimes it's awkward when you continue having black & white flashbacks of your step-parents confessing to destroying a year of your life. This also happened to the hairdresser. I think she is going to be on Oprah soon. Seriously. Not really.
Peace.
It's always awkward when a guy proposes to you right after you finished making out with his brother. Trust me. It happened to my friend's brother's ex-girlfriend's hairdresser so I practically have first hand experience.
When you tell your almost girlfriend that you are concerned that your ex-girlfriend is kissing some dude... that's awkward. When your almost girlfriend is concerned for how this is going to effect her ex-boyfriend... the awkwardness continues.
It's awkward when you are shot by your dad's hitmen and 3 and a half years later you still haven't been treated. Jason? Mexico? Deja vu?
If your boyfriend buys you a cell phone exclusively for use as a couple and then tells you it is so he can stalk you and remove all excuses for you to not answer him right away and then puts you in a death grip... it's okay to feel awkward. Encouraged even.
Sometimes it's awkward when you continue having black & white flashbacks of your step-parents confessing to destroying a year of your life. This also happened to the hairdresser. I think she is going to be on Oprah soon. Seriously. Not really.
Peace.
So because Steve Burton is seriously rad, won the "most smokin' man" poll, and most importantly thanked me on Twitter for making him the Actor Du Jour yesterday... he is going to be the Actor Du Jour again. For real, he seems like a pretty down to earth dude... check him out on Twitter @1SteveBurton.
It looks like Dante's organ has been compromised. Ugh, you are such children. His kidney! Doc says we are going to need a transplant. If only he had any immediate relatives who could contribute. See! This is exactly what happens when you have a secret mom who hides your secret father who you are secretly trying to imprison. Fortunately this lie is about to come to an end if not because Olivia finally tells Sonny, than because she can't possibly speak quietly or survey for eavesdroppers whenever she discusses the truth in detail with people who already know everything.
It becomes clear that Olivia & Liz went to the same School of Secret-Keeping when Liz publicly makes out with Nikolas after making it clear that Lucky could never find out about them. Liz, now 'member what we talked about? Making out doesn't make people invisible. Atta girl!
Edward wakes up in the middle of a drunk driving investigation, but Robin "I'm a detective, but not really" Scorpio has already discovered that Andrea poisoned him after seemingly every character in the show asks the question, "How could he have a heart attack? He was so healthy!" Kids, this is an example of a run-on sentence that your grammar teacher warned you about. Don't try this at school.
Lessons learned...
1. Steve Burton is the man!
2. Secret keeping is easy if you don't make out with guys named Nikolas.
3. Next time you are accused of drunk driving there is a good chance you have been poisoned.
It looks like Dante's organ has been compromised. Ugh, you are such children. His kidney! Doc says we are going to need a transplant. If only he had any immediate relatives who could contribute. See! This is exactly what happens when you have a secret mom who hides your secret father who you are secretly trying to imprison. Fortunately this lie is about to come to an end if not because Olivia finally tells Sonny, than because she can't possibly speak quietly or survey for eavesdroppers whenever she discusses the truth in detail with people who already know everything.
It becomes clear that Olivia & Liz went to the same School of Secret-Keeping when Liz publicly makes out with Nikolas after making it clear that Lucky could never find out about them. Liz, now 'member what we talked about? Making out doesn't make people invisible. Atta girl!
Edward wakes up in the middle of a drunk driving investigation, but Robin "I'm a detective, but not really" Scorpio has already discovered that Andrea poisoned him after seemingly every character in the show asks the question, "How could he have a heart attack? He was so healthy!" Kids, this is an example of a run-on sentence that your grammar teacher warned you about. Don't try this at school.
Lessons learned...
1. Steve Burton is the man!
2. Secret keeping is easy if you don't make out with guys named Nikolas.
3. Next time you are accused of drunk driving there is a good chance you have been poisoned.
You know the expression "crash the party"? Today, Edward plays the guy that doesn't understand expressions and takes them literally. In the process he wreaks havoc at the carnival and kills Andrea. It's like raaaahain on your wedding day, it's a free riiiihide when you already paid, it's getting run ooooooover by a dude because he had a heart attack while driving because you poisoned him, and who would've thought it figurrrrs! Walk toward the light, Andrea. Edward, Jake, Dante, Johnny, even you Kristina... don't follow Andrea. Did anyone else notice Keiffer wasn't around? Wishful thinking?
Jake gets buried underneath a pile of stuffed platypus' and his 3 parents and Sam dig him out. It appears the bill of one of the platypus' may have fractured his skull. The jury is still out. Steve Burton kills it in this episode. I may be biased because, well, he's Steve Burton.
Dante gets hit saving Morgan and is critically injured. Olivia is overly concerned for someone who has supposedly met him twice. Sonny just knows it's because he reminds her of her son. Well, they do have the same skin tone... hair color... birth date... gene pool... you know what... he DOES remind me of Dante. Dominic Zamprogna also kills it in this episode. Good job, men!
Speaking of men I'm proud of. Sonny seems to be fulfilling his promise to Kristina that he would be there for her more by sitting at the hospital with Dominic while she lies buried underneath that ride with the crazy harnesses. Sonny, you DON'T know he's your son yet, remember? You DO know that Kristina is your daughter though. I'm gonna give you a second to mull it over.
Lessons learned...
1. Expressions are more fun when taken literally.
2. Stuffed platypus' are not toys.
3. The actual plural of "platypus" is unclear to me.
Thanks to everyone for reading. For real... it's cool.
Jake gets buried underneath a pile of stuffed platypus' and his 3 parents and Sam dig him out. It appears the bill of one of the platypus' may have fractured his skull. The jury is still out. Steve Burton kills it in this episode. I may be biased because, well, he's Steve Burton.
Dante gets hit saving Morgan and is critically injured. Olivia is overly concerned for someone who has supposedly met him twice. Sonny just knows it's because he reminds her of her son. Well, they do have the same skin tone... hair color... birth date... gene pool... you know what... he DOES remind me of Dante. Dominic Zamprogna also kills it in this episode. Good job, men!
Speaking of men I'm proud of. Sonny seems to be fulfilling his promise to Kristina that he would be there for her more by sitting at the hospital with Dominic while she lies buried underneath that ride with the crazy harnesses. Sonny, you DON'T know he's your son yet, remember? You DO know that Kristina is your daughter though. I'm gonna give you a second to mull it over.
Lessons learned...
1. Expressions are more fun when taken literally.
2. Stuffed platypus' are not toys.
3. The actual plural of "platypus" is unclear to me.
Thanks to everyone for reading. For real... it's cool.
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